An alpha-hole or a regular a-hole?

There’s a fine line between being a redeemable jerk and just being a jerk. But, how can you tell? 
 
I’ve read a couple of MSs that crash and burn into the ‘complete dickhead’ category. Here’s some quick tips to keep in mind when writing about the Alphahole:

1. 1. The Alphahole is the guy WHO DELIVERS. This is the guy you want in a crisis. He’ll take charge and get things done. This is where control issues are likely to creep in with your heroine. He might very well try to control her. But here’s where context is important. He’ll try to control her BEHAVIOUR in a particular SITUATION. Note that this did not mean tell her what to wear or what to think. If your hero has to check her phone and monitor her calls, he’s probably just an a-hole. 
2. The Alphahole has a strong value system. To this end, he NEVER rapes, physically abuses, or sexually harasses the heroine. EVER. Similarly, he wouldn’t kill or maim animals or children. He doesn’t even consider these things in passing. As a (general) rule, the Alphahole cannot walk away from a woman in distress, a child in danger or an innocent caught up in a fight. It’s about staying true to his value system not furthering his power. If your hero has no value system, he’s probably just an a-hole. 
3. The Alphahole has to recognize the heroine as his EMOTIONAL EQUAL by the end of the story. The appeal of an Alphahole is that he is in need of saving. He’s usually emotionally traumatized in some way that has caused him to hide away his heart. He is not sociopathic. He’s a sensitive warrior in fierce armour. If your hero has zero sensitive side, he’s probably just an a-hole.
4. The Alphahole needs an Alpha-female. For the heroine to throw the Alphahole into crisis, she needs to be an independent, feisty woman who looks behind the arrogant veneer to the wounded man beneath. She also has to resist his control (see Point 1). There is no way she’s going to let him boss her around. For him to be her hero, he needs to see her as a human being. If your hero thinks that women are there to by the end of the story, he’s probably just an a-hole. 
5. The Alphahole is not a misogynist. He can be wary of emotional entanglement with women, but he doesn’t hate them. If your hero thinks that women are there to cook, clean and schtup period, he’s just an a-hole.

---